her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
