ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
