Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize