You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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