my phone needs a breathalizer
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
