Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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