For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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