I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The air taste purple.
Randomize
