I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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