He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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