why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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