If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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