Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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