I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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