Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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