actually, I'm a sock model
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
