At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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