he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
