I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
