I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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