Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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