I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
