Your face is a jimmy john
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
