So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
