ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
