I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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