erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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