It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
