btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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