We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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