I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
