He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
