he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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