The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
