How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
