So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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