i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You took a bar mat shot.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
