I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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