I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
