i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
