bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
