Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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