is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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