My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
