you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
