My first STD was from a foam party
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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