Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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