I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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