The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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