How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
