I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
