my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
