I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
