i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
