girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
