Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
