just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
