We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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