a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm passing your future prison.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
