What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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