That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
