Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
