i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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