based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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