Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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