Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
