Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
