I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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