forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
