wat bout pragnant strippers??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
