my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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